To the Ladies

Okay not really to the ladies but I've taken a little bit of a vacation from blogging as you can see because of college being so "dang" hard. But anyways, I'm back now and will continue to blog. And to the anonymous comment, I don't have cankles. I weight 128 pounds. If I did have cankles, I bet they'd be fucking hot.

EVEN MORE ART!!!

All of the Following graphics were created by Zavier McFall-Maycock in 2008.

MORE ART!

(Created by Zavier McFall-Maycock, Named "Waves of Apathy")

This image is so appealing to me I'm so happy about it. I'm going to go create some more right now I'll post them later.

[Trippy shit made by Zavier McFall-Maycock (don't hate). Its called "The Goddess".

I'm going to asphyxiate right now on my stirfry from the DC. LE SUCCE. I need to write a gossip blog.

I'm listening to the String Quartet Tribute to Rush's YYZ
I'm a BAMF Rush is hellahardcorelegit

Heart Part II

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just cynical. I've realized lately that I've become lazy when it comes to finding the intertwined human experience. Its something I want, but its also something that I don't want to work to hard for. I've already realized some of my character flaws i.e. depression, cynicism, a lack of a jealous nature, and a lack of possessive ambition. People like to be possessed and to possess but this is something I have never attached to human beings. An example would be, your boyfriend cheats on you. I would be angry, because of the action of cheating. But the pain that comes from the jealousy of another woman, that is non existent within me.

I think life would be a lot easier if I was a psychopath or at least a sociopath, so that I could feel no emotions and in turn not love. I love myself, but at the same time I am not conceited enough to actually be a sociopath. I've felt incredibly drained lately, from my back pain (hurt my tailbone twice in my lifetime and it fucking hurts). This drainage has led to the depression. Around two weeks ago, I believed my life was great, and now like the pre-two week time period, I believe my life is a bottomless pit.

I honestly think I'm going to be one of those women married to their career, which sucks because I want a husband and kids someday. This means I will have to drastically change my outlook on life and I just don't think I'll ever do it. I don't even consider myself a good person right now. I've forsaken myself, and the Goddess will be angry due to this. I have not forsaken her, but by forsaking myself I sort of have. For I am the goddess, like we all are (or whatever God you believe in if not one at all, I can't judge)

I guess I just really need to get stoned, then I'll be a bit happier outside. Too bad its devastatingly cold outside and its only 11:02 AM. I have class at 1:00 PM I really don't want to go, but I'll feel like a lazy ass bum if I don't go. I gotta write a paper or two also. This just adds to the depression.

I'm not trying to find love or a relationship, I'm just trying to find a genuine human intertwined experience. Being that I am a female, I don't even care about sex. I need to click intellectually with people and this is exactly what I want. I don't need the adoration or the attention. I just want a fulfilling conversation. I'm deeply suffering from a bad case of self perception. But I wonder if it really is bad self perception. Am I not the one who does not judge people based on their outsides because life is too short? Am I not the one who knows myself the best? I truly know how ugly I am on the inside and for this I'd say I'm allowed to have the self perception that I do. For the only people who think this perception is warped are people who are on the outside looking in. I'm the only real insider to Zavier, I am my own judge. I am my own jury. The only thing is I have no defense. No real need to defend myself to anyone.

This lack of emotion has got to end, or otherwise it has to stay. Either way, I don't like the Topsy turvy nature of my emotions at the moment.

Heart

There was a time when many of the humans on earth were born with their hearts upon their chests rather than inside. Only some amongst them were born with their hearts beating inside their chests and they were looked down upon as inferior.

The truest love story was happening inside of these people for they felt that it was there one true goal in life to spread love. When diseases died out, greed set in. The greed was a disease. It swept across every nation and wiped out many of the inhabitants of earth.

The heartbeats heard inside the chest seemed more hallow but with every beat there was a genuine sense that world was held by our mother dearly. When humanity sank, those with their unpolluted hearts stepped into the world and created a new race of humans whose emotions had to be shown through verbal communication. For the first time in thousands of years, this humananoid creatures could actually be called humans.

LSD

Sometimes I'm at an obvious crossroads in life. I haven't been blogging lately I know, but in all reality I've been struggling. Internally struggling. I love this place, I love this planet. I'm starting to figure out who I am dependently from the human race. But at the same time I'm being taught that we are all the same. That we do the same things and have the same patterns. I just honestly don't know what to think about it.

But as I start to think independently of myself I realize that there's something very dependent lurking in my peripherals. It scares me, but absolutely thrills me. It slows me and speeds me up at the same time. And like anything else that makes me feel good I want to abuse it like a drug.

Back in Reno

So I spent the weekend in Fairfield, California. I'm back in Reno and I'm glad. I'm happy to be in my dorm room. This freaking town. It's freezing outside today. Its about 72 degrees outside and it's fucking cold actually. They say the wind is non existent a whole 0mph, BUT THEY FUCKING LIE. When the wind picks up it's even more fucking freezing. I'm just sitting here listening to Say Anything. The song in particular is Belt. Love it. I don't think "love it" is a whole sentence but fuck you.

Have you ever google'd yourself? Not that anyone is googling "Molotov Zav" but if you do this blog comes up, and then a comment I left on Molotov Solutions iLike on facebook. How awesome. I need to do something but I'm not sure what my friends are doing at this current moment. Well I do, we're all procrastinating LOL.

Mysterious Things Happen Backstage

I should be given an award.
The highest that any actress can receive.
I hide behind this toughness.
But inside I am soft.

Cancel the Oscars, I'm the star.
All you need is me.
Golden Statue in my hand.
While spinach is stuck between my teeth.

Hidden amongst the Hollywood Stars lies a single plaque.
"Died too young, died in the attack"
The attack of the youth, propagated by the media.
Kill me quickly, just a little speedier.

Who are you to tell me how I feel?
Who are you to remind me of my regrets?
Oh I forgot you are there to remind me of my faults.
To come to me at my every beck and call.

Sin of the flesh.
Sins feel so good.
I wish I could eat it.
Don't you wish you could.

The most delectable meal, that you have ever tasted.
The girl most like you, that you feel you wasted.
I'm sorry it couldn't of been.
And it is all my sorrow.
I always thought for you and me there would be a tomorrow.
But now I realize I'm foolish and that you'll never let go.
Of something that has happened so many months ago.
It was just a phase, as people like to say.
It was just a creation, a musical, a play.
And I am the only one who is on stage, you exited a while ago.
No one throws me flowers after the performance is done.
They felt it all too real.
The pain masked underneath my eyes in the form of purple bags.
I don't think you hurt at all.
And I never wish you do.

Random Wrote

The spoken word, it is a cause, promoting me, lifting me higher than the average normal mortal.
Here I am wandering through lie wondering when my coil will cease to be a circular.
There you are, you know exactly where you want to walk. You walk with distinction, a martyr for that cause of cool.
You try so hard, baby, but not hard enough for the rest of this year is just gonna be too tough.
The summer was easy, the winter will be hard. Barren mother nature, white like a cala lily.
She stretches across the land, and there you sit in the middle of her womb, wondering why the same place you were born will also be your tomb.
I can't stand to think that way. Your death will truly awaken me. Shake me, violently like the wildest earth quake. But you aren't dead are you? You're still alive, I feel the pulse.
Deep inside of me a girl has changed into the woman she was supposed to be. What kind of woman stands there and lets herself feel so alone.
Alone though is my solitude and alone is where I stay.
Smoke a couple cigarettes get some time out of the way.
It hurts sometimes, that I'm not able to be what I truly wish to be.
But I'll be fine as long as you are there with me.
Oh glorious summer day, how I long for your sun rays. Bathe me Apollo, bathe me in your beauty. In your hellenistic style of indulgence.
I love the way you speak, like words are your weapon, they're mine too, let's battle.
Who would win in a battle of lovers like a civil war stuck in a third world country.
If this is a first world, and they are the third, then who is the second, and why can't we all be called by one word. One name, one people. We could never be that way.
Too nationalist, too secularist, too passive, aggressive.
Never the right amount, and never impressive.
But when you speak to me, I forget about the woes, I endanger myself, expose myself to love, the most dangerous of emotions. They kind you wouldn't be able to feel if you weren't willing. I'm willing, vile feeling, come into me, hurt me, thrash me, abuse me.
I tend not to care, what happens to my physical form, but you are there in my emotional zone. Telling me things I've always wanted to hear. When I awaken, it was just a dream, a hallucination. Lord knows I've had those.
But god has nothing to do with it does it. Nothing at all. He just sits and waits till we actually need his help. We got ourselves in this mess.
Oh lucky animals of the world, with no need for love. A cruel creation was this human mind capable of doing whatever I think.
I sit, I sit, I stand, I sit, I sink.
For getting up is hard when you have nothing to aspire too.
My main motivation, it was you.
But now I feel, I'm overwhelmed, unable to handle the feelings that delve too deep into my heart to actually find consolation.
Stuck in between regret and improvisation.

College

My best friend in the whole wide world. Maruchan Top Ramen, shrimp flavor. Sometimes I switch to creamy chicken, or beef, BUT its all about shrimp in my humble opinion.

Its past QUIET HOURS in the dorm, and some inconsiderate people are being noisy. Actually I don't really care, i woke up at 12 today and I only need to get up at 9:30 tomorrow

Stuff You Should Be Listening to Part One

Part one covers the following Genres: Ambient Rock,Blues, Brit Indie Pop, Classic Rock and Dance Indie. If any of those sound like something you might like then read.


Ambient Rock: Cold Play

Blues: Graham Coxon

Brit Indie Pop: Blur, Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs

Classic Rock: The Beatles, The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppelin

Dance Indie:Ima Robot, Neon Blonde

Have You Ever Felt

Like this?

That's how I used to feel in Las Vegas, and since I've been in Reno, that feeling has gone away. In the first time in I don't know how many months, maybe even years, I am truly happy. You know the Incubus song "Wish You Were Here", that song, minus missing someone. I mean I do miss my Vegas friends, but I'm making a lot of new friends here, who offer me intellectual stimulation (no where near the level of Nessa though, we were basically cut from the same cloth).

So as I sit in my dorm room listening to my Zune player on random. An old school No Doubt song is on, and I'm in a groove. When I say old school, i mean from their first album, and the song is sinking. SO AWESOME. This is AWESOME (I know, i use the word to much).



Reno is such a quaint place, and I absolutely love it. Down Virginia St. there is a free transit bus also. I rode that shit down Virginia, to down town or the Reno Strip. I just ran (exercise for the soul, more so than the body.)



I had to post a picture of the sign during the day time, because that's how I usually see it. Fuck going down there at night, I am a little scared. HAHAH me, the fucking Vegas kid that I am, who fucking walks down the strip fucked up on drugs and alcohol. I'M afraid of the Reno strip. Actually I usually tend to be more afraid when there's less people around, then your screams can't be heard.


This is a statue outside of the Mackay Mining School. I love it, it struck me for some odd reason and I can't really put my finger on it. There stands a man, dressed as a simple miner, a hardworking man who had to break a sweat for his fortune. That's what America was about, hard working people. We've turned into such a nation of lazy people, and yes, I'm a hypocrite.


Of course I had to post a picture of something that is on campus and actually has to do with my major and shit. If you didn't already know I'm a Political Science major or PoliSci for short. I plan on getting a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and I'm minoring in French. I plan on doing all of this within 3 years and then heading to California (UC Berkeley, or Standford) for Law School (another 3 years of education). I want to be a politician. I'll be like Obama, but way better. See I think the problem with politicians today is they won't realize that party platform is bullshit. Republicans and Democrats have swapped viewpoints many times during the formation of the bi-partisan system. What's worse is this government basically runs on a bi-partisan system. Its like high school, the Democrats are the Student Council kids and the Republicans are the jocks, and independents are outcasts. I may primarily be a "Democrat" but deep down inside I'm a Republicrat. I have many Republican values, not when it comes to business though (NAFTA, and CAFTA, and fuck all the democrats that voted for that shit)

Basically the theme of this blog is, that I finally feel like I'm doing something with my life. Not to mention, I don't know, I don't even want to talk about it. BUT NESSA KNOWS. It's so very hard now, SO VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH IT. I feel like a serial rapist every time I'm stuck in a situation with a statue. :[ IT'S SO BAD :[
BUT i'm still happy. There's a time for everything and that will eventually happen to. I will actually be happy if it happens later than sooner.

More Poetry

Rhymes with Brooms
I injested you, YOU VILE POISON.
Stop corrupting my innards and making me see what really isn't.
Its too late now ISN'T IT?
You just work your way through my body as if you don't even care about whether or not I make it through the night.
At first you were pleasant and you made me laugh, you made the trees weary of my existence. You made them ready for the prowl.
Later you ripped me open.
You confused me, more than any human being ever could.
You birthed me into a much sicker world than the one I was birthed in many years ago.
A dirty sick place where people spill their guts.
I felt
That's all I can honestly say, every emotion was there was up to bat and ready to play.
You educated me, you guide you. I was just a young psychonaut ready for a ride.
I bought the ticket, I didn't want to go on.
Not yet
Never much a fan of rollercoasters.
Adrenaline isn't my favorite high.
But you aren't adrenaline at all are you?
Pscilocybin, straight out of Hunter S Thompson
and into my infantile brain
and when I woke up the next morning mentally aged 30 years
I knew I would never be the same.

Poetry

Liar

Cat food cans and dance macabre
Ta visage est beau mais c'est sombre.
I just want to hold hands
All this talk about romance, is killing me in...
In such a kind way...
You let me down awkwardly
You just don't let me down like that
LIAR, with a smile that could disembowel me
Why did you light that candle, honey, blow it out and turn on the light
I'm sweating, I'm nauseous, I'm not ALRIGHT
I should've kept it a secret
Now all I have to do is regret
See you at the nest suaree
Mais, pourquois, mon amour, donnez moi votre coeur
Embrace-moi, tout les soirs, je t'aime vous, vous et mois devnnons nous.
Cheesiness aside, I lied
I'm just a child of the free spirt
I can go whichever way I please
I can't stand it when you look over my shoulder
And touch it just to tease
It's not fair to be so cruel
To such a little woman
Which is so unlike me
But around you I'm small
My knees buckle
I crawl
Like the infant I devolved into
Suddenly I regain my composure
I realize I was just daydreaming again

Homo Erectus

Homo Erectus, Homo Erectus
Peace talks and vector, defiant collectors, grabbing at everything.
Reliant inspectors, picking away at this murder investigation.
They flew to the train station, and there was an elation during the duration of the creation of heart....relation, salvation, destination, desperation, at least you carried me over the threshhold.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Baby come and meet us, for you feel to me like a fetus, soft skin rubs against the old.
We'll still sit and sip on Margaritas. Living life with teenage libidos.
Do you hear the violins, well neither do I, but here is where I break the rotation, we cry, we lie, we sigh. You told me life was a circle. It doesn't feel very circular to me when you're such a square. Revealed to me a newborn 20 something year old with eyes open, face bare. Young Indian, did you know you were a chief, well I'm a priestess, wanna cheat?
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Do you respect us? This is priceless, the smile completes the outfit you so carefully picked out. Nice vest, i'm impressed. When you're on the spot, you stay on it for oh so long. We pick, we're fickle, we like, we hate, we buy on whims and we mate. To be a human being, how boring, not an angel like you. Sweet cheeks tell me, do you even get the flu? Immortal, moral, coitus, coil, Shakespeare wrote exactly what I feel everyday. It doesn't matter what play. For I'm a human easily written, stereotype me and place me on a page, I'll fit in next to xylophone, a nice picture of me trapped in my human flesh cage.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus, You're a joke!

Maury Povich is Fucked Up( No offense to anyone , this blog is so rude)

Maury Povich is a fucked up person. Today on his 11 am. show he made me laugh hysterically. YOU KNOW HOW? The cheap laugh folks, yeah the cheap laugh. He brought on a bunch of chubby middle aged (and a bit younger) bitches who had phobias of the most ridiculous shit. He basically brings them on, shows them pictures of the phobia and then the bitch cries, then they confront them with the phobia and the bitch screams and cries. They they introduce them to a "Motivational Hypnotist" named Boris Cherniak (look it up, no lies!), who says "by the end of the show, her will cure these guests of their phobias."

Okay, First off, I want to be a Motivational Hypnotist. Two, Luckily my mom dvrs this shit so I don't have to fucking sit through vagisil commercials. The commercials suck, but fucking after the commercial break the show gets oh so much better.
This ghetto ass black chick named Tanisha comes out, and she is going ghetto about smelling dogs. She then hears a bark and starts frantically running backstage where she freaks the fuck out. Now I must admit, as a kid I too was afraid of dogs, but shit, I GOT OVER IT, because I'm not an irrational black bitch (at least in my opinion anyway). This Tanisha is fucking brilliant. They try to get her to go into a pet store to see the puppies and she's fucking like "THEY SENSE FEAR OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T BE BARKING", her grammar is impeccable. I think this bitch has a strap on her, I should find this video on youtube. If you found a youtube video before this then I definitely found it. I'm going to narrate the whole episode for those of who maybe think...I'm funny?

The next nasty fat woman on the show was afraid of cotton balls. "They make a certain sound.", she says. TOO BAD I UNDERSTAND what she is talking about, that fucking annoying ass squeaky sound. Anyway this bitch goes on to say that she has a reoccurring nightmare about a man covered in cotton who tries to kill her and she's afraid of her 1 year old son's diapers and toys. Haha her 8 year old chases her with cotton in stores. Haha then they have people dress up in cotton man costumes and they freak her out backstage HAHA MAURY YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP. Haha she thinks cotton balls are disgusting haha that fat ugly white bitch what is her name I didn't catch it, oh its Carolyn, that's a dumb bitch name ( no offense).

Okay so the next woman is a hideous black woman who was afraid of lizards. No offense, Sharon Stone, but cold blooded animals are nasty foul creatures. They are the filthiest creatures alive. HAHA then the Motivational Hypnotist says he can save her and allow her to live happily in the great state of Louisiana. LOL

The next is a 40 year old piece of white trash who is afraid of frogs. When this lady screams hahah, the devil is coming out of her. "There's like millions of them coming at me, eating me, chasing me", April says. LOL I love her in all her trashy glory.

Yes now it is finally time for the Motivational Hypnotist.
So the jello bitch is cured, and the chicken bitch is cured, making think they were really good trailer park actors. Tanisha was still skeptical, she's black, thats her nature. Carolyn doesn't care about cotton, "It's cotton", she says. LOL about Maury saying Louisiana is his favorite state. New York is going crazy. Lizard bitch is cured. Now the exquisite April, does not care about frogs. I didn't find the video oh well.

I don't give a shit about babies

anyways, its fucking august 7th, as people who don't sleep in until 2 o'clock in the afternoon might know. I realized if your life was all of a sudden considered complete because you have tried at least one drug in every drug family; my life would be complete.

The only drugs left that i MAY want to try would be, acid (don't know if i could stand 8-12 hours of hallucinating, and actually that's it. I have to try crack ,kidding, I'll never try crack.

Violet Affleck is Owned.

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Last Night

I was making that paper babysitting for my Mom's friend's kids. So I basically decided to watch The Ten because everyone who had given me their critique had a fucking OPINION. What I mean by the capitalized opinion is that most people were divided in opinion from one another. LOL (psychology terms and shizzbangs.) ANYHOOSER,Some people say its shiteous,and others say its great.

I think it's good. My reasoning is the actors are great minus Wynona Ryder, who is a pretty good actress but I hate her anyway. Paul Rudd mmmm.

BUT JUSTIN THEROUX is my man, mmmm give me some of that, AND DRESSED UP LIKE MEXICAN JESUS. Muy caliente.

Anyways yeah that movie was okay, SOME dialogue was hilarious, other things about the movie seemed lackluster. AND YES DAD, I can see how you though it was an ignorama fest.

Anyways before I watched The Ten, I have to be perfectly honest with you, I WAS CONTENT watching the shit out of an episode of Gullah Gullah Island. It was about GRANDMA UPSIDE DOWN CAKE coming to the island and knowing shit about everyone else grandparents and it rocked. \m/


Lick-lick-lick-lick-lick it like a polliwag

I had to google image search : "gayest ever" to describe

the way I feel inside right now. Haha I'm a silly little girl and if my insides looked the way they feel then they would look like liberace in hot pants.

HAHAHAHHAHA
GAYEST EVER.

Today I Finally Remembered

What being treated like shit feels like. I have had a long run of being treated like the human being I am that the feeling of being treated like shit took a long time to recognize. The thing is now, I'm too fucking angry to even call the person out, I'm past anger, I've officially moved into cold ICE QUEEN bitch status.

Apologizing in advance to all men.

Fool-bung-helios

A bung is sort of a plug, the Lowe's version of a butt plug for men.

Helios are hipster phones.

Fools, well you know if I have to explain it to you, then you really are one.
a picture of a fool-bung-helio would be:


That totally sucks that he has down's and he's a giinger. :[. NOT that I'm mean to retards or anything but if you were born with the miracle of being "perfect" you should damn well act it and not act like a retard. :] peace to the foolbunghelios

So You Think You Can Dance

AMERICA YOU CANNOT VOTE. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I HATE AMERICA I HOPE ALL OF YOU WHO DID NOT VOTE FOR WILL FUCKING DIE.

Now that I got that out I have to say something else, FUCK YOU.
Will is brilliant. YOU KNOW WHAT, he's going to make it without you, sytycd. DEBBIE ALLEN IS EATING BABIES RIGHT NOW.

LOL

okay so this is an aim conversation between me and my friend. But because I do not want you to go creepy stalker status on me I didn't put the screen names. ALSO only really Nessa will understand this.

David: brb
David: gonna tan a lil
me: LOL
David: getting a lil pasty

techno blog

check out these artists:

-crystal castles
-mr.oizo
-simian mobile disco
-steve aoki



jo mammy
not really i'm sure she's a saint

J'aime bavarder.

Quelquefois, quand je m'assieds sur mon lit, je pense à la statue taillée par les mains de Michel-ange.

Je pense que c'etait deux peuple dans ma vie que dans tout realité ont l'air de David par Michel-Ange.

To truly understand me, you must understand certain things about me, certain people, certain occurrences, certain fall outs. I wish I was just a person that could be known and understood just on my own behalf. I think I suck or some shit. OKAY not really. BUT WHATEVER



This is still the hottest picture of me ever taken in all my year of life. I think i was 16 about to turn 17. What a slut (jk)

There are some hot lipstick lesbian pagans

...
who eat cooter all the time.




LOL

In Grave Condition

I haven't blogged in a while and you know why? It's not that I haven't felt like it, its that I'm afraid of what I might honestly say on here. There are a million things running through my head and I have a habit of making things that need to be quiet blatantly obvious, so no more personal blogs for the next few weeks, maybe not even until I'm Reno. In Reno it won't be possible to not write personal blogs cause I'll be fucking excited and probably drunk. I really want to say a bunch of shit right now that I just can't :[ BLEH SUCKAGE


So for today's random pop culture shizz: possible a-rod and madonna tape. i don't believe it. but if it does exist HOW FUCKING GROSS

WIll and Katee

Dancing on So You Think You Can Dance. FUCKING BRILLIANT. Best thing I've ever seen in my entire freaking life. I almost fucking cried after the pas de duex.

Elf Tower, New Mexico

I love love love love love lovjavascript:void(0)e Michael Todd. For those of you who are like "WHOZAT?!", "hez zeh bazzizt zof Coheedz and Cambriaz" I have no clue why I'm talking like that, I'm stoned. *stoned face*. (Random Nessa shout out! theplaylists.blogspot.com, we will soon take over the world!) But Basically Michael "Mic" Todd is mine, back off. LOL JK(sort of)

And for those of you who don't know about Elf Tower, New Mexico; its a song created by Coheed and Cambria before their second stage turbine blade album. Claudio claims he "forgot" how to play the song. I half believe it. Listen to Junesong Provision Acoustic if you get the change and coheed's covers of use your love and sister christian, actually Co&Ca are my favorite band, in my not often humble opinion, you should listen to everything from pre-second stage turbine blade all the way up to no world for tomorrow. the album i fell for the hardest was in keeping secrets of the silent earth: 3, but i think that's because that's all i listened to when I went to california for long summers.

Charles Manson, pretty good (sarcasm). GARBAGE DUMP, true lyricism.



I bet Charles Manson would kick my ass in a free style. His rhymes are impeccable.
here's my rap about charles manson.

i'm not gonna rap about charles manson lol

Dramatic

I'm going to write this post as if it were a short story. I'll do this a lot from now on as I "think" about parts of the story. Lets call this story,"Obvious". Let's pretend Wes Anderson will love it and turn it into a movie where I star as the lead because I'm an attention whore? Let's pretend this is all fiction.


"This is the last time I let this happen to me", she was a creature of two parts, always indecisive. Her brain was having a hidden conversation with her heart and they were saying the same thing but her conscience was screaming at them, crying even, really throwing a fucking fit. This couldn't be correct. A joke really, she knew the whole fucking time. It really didn't help she was listening to such angry music at the time. She was really making a fucking mess of her internal organs just sitting there listening to her loud music. She loved every bit of her confusion and as her brain finally said "I can't lie anymore, honey", that's when she cringed. Cringing is the first true human sign of any type of emotion, except happiness. Happiness doesn't have a cringe, bummer. You cringe when you're sick, you're sad, you're disgusted, and most usually when you don't want to face the truth. She was all of the above. She was surer in this genuine pain she was feeling than she was sure of her older man crush on Roman Polanski. She was sure as hell that she would get what she wanted, or she wouldn't feel very well, in all that damn cold.

Dedicated to Nessa

What Not so Blind but Awkward Item...
can be spotted playing beer pong, trying to avoid any form of physical contact, could cut sexual tension with a knife.
LOL


Nessa is a psychic which scares me. Plus so is my mammy, (she agreed w/ you so eff you both)

nessa: theplaylists.blogspot.com

I don't care what you think!

i DON'T care what you guys think, her album "One of the Boys" is basically so irresitably catchy that I can't help but love her. She's like a more mainstream version of Zooey Deschanel (LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE), I think Katy is potential shecrush material. After Shane from the L Word, a bitch from High School, and ScarJo.


Also check out She and Him or w/e Zooey Deschanel's band's name is, I haven't intentely listened, but support her anyway. (What I'm honest?)

LEAVEL TATUM O'NEAL ALONE!!!!!

Seriously, she won her first oscar at like 11(could be younger or older by a couple years give or take), YOU COULDN'T take that kind of pressure. SO WHAT IF SHES A DRUG ADDICT? Her dad exposed her to it, and basically put it in her hands at a very young age you can't just expect her to not do what her dad is telling her is okay. Before you turn 16 you are easily manipulated. When she was 12 her best friend was an 18 year old Melanie Griffith, when she was 12 she caught her dad screwing Melanie Griffith :[
LEAVE HER ALONE BASTARDS!!!! ANIMALS!!!!! :]

Anyone who goes to the University of Nevada Reno

Expect me there for Fall Semester. Niggas

2112

The song, at around 27 minutes. so good.

If you know someone who looks like this

or worse (there's definitely someones default picture I'D LOVE to put on here(Nessa knows), THAT SUCKS. These people are fucking ugly, some guys can pull off long hair but you either commit or you don't. This middle length shit on purpose and not just being an "awkward stage" is fucking gay. And if you look like a fucking goose and your adam's apple is the size of my proverbial dick (huge), and you rock out to smashing pumpkins and love the red album. CUT YOUR HAIR, don't even grow it out, you're a douche. I'd rather fuck Pheobe Price than anyone who looks like you.

If you have middle length hair and you don't look like this and you could never pull this off, get a fucking haircut you douche. You look like a fucking cunt with ears.

A Pedophile Way

Okay not really, but this kid has EXTREMELY GOOD GENES AND FASHION SENSE. Can you be mad at me :/, CAN YOU? When Robert Downey Jr. is fine and I basically expected that his offspring would exhibit signs of beautiful at a young age.
1)He has a band, they were in "kidstock" so tight.
2)He's Robert Downey Jr.'s fineself's son.
3)His mom is Deborah Falconer.
I'll lay this out for you.


Hot Robert Downey Jr (or Elias Jr.)

Deborah Falconer Looking like a "What's her Slut?" or (whatsaslut, like whatchamacallit but for sluts) in the mid 90s.

Indio Falconer Downey (Elias, come on, Robert Downey Sr changed his last name so he could get in the military underage :/) He's beautiful

Lourdes Leon

IS MY HERO. She may be younger than me, but she definitely has more style than I could even dream of obtaining.

It doesn't help she's the spanish madonna, she's fucking fierce and hot in a non pedophile way. Madonna needs to watch out when Lourdes is like 15 she will be fucking :/

Right Now

I missed blogging last night/early morning. I have a life. Now I'm at home making techno yep. Nothing really to post, i'll tell you about my night later and I might tell you about my odd dream.

Today's Culture of the Weak

Juggalos

I can sum up juggalos in just mere words:faygo,tits,the gathering,and hatchets

if you don't know you're a juffalo

If you read my blog

Then you deserve to see this geeky video I took of my self on graduation day.

Recommended Listening

Boy 8-Bit are trip to listen to literally putting me through a brain orgasm the minute their songs start playing. Their song the suspense is killing me reminds me of like a really old video game soundtrack of some sort. If you for some reason dress up in a lot of 80s excercise clothes and you are a dirty slut who likes to get fucked hard? Plus you're obsessed with the seventies and you live in a dumpster and have AIDS? You would love this music. I don't know how that's a compliment to the band but they should just take it as one :]

I know, I know

SO I totally know what that last dream means. I realized mentally in terms of being in a gridlock, I'm in the exact same place I was in a year okay, OKAY so in about 2 months I'll be in the exact exact place, and if you put me forward by another 3 months OH SHIT, i'll probably puke because my thoughts are exactly the same. I've changed but the ordeals that I go through everyday within my brain have not, THEY did change for a while. For a while I had no dilemma only a "meh maybe" and now I have a full blown dilemma on my hands again and I know that in august it'll just subside and then I'll be busy with school and it won't really matter for a while, but then christmas is gonna come and I'm not going to be doing anything and BAM dilemma, but maybe it'll be different, that's what I'm hoping. OH SHIT and then what about spring. If my life goes as planned spring will be a dilemma fest. then summer vacay next year. I'm doing again what my dad always cusses me out for, thinking to far ahead in the future about things that could change. Maybe I'll overcome the mental dilemma. OR MAYBE I'LL CHERISH IT(like i don't already want to fuck the shit out of it right?(haha nessa), fuck i'm neurotic :/. I'm like a hard on for people on prozac.

thoughts

i've been having a lot of thoughts. I don't know what to think about this dream I had. So in the dream I was in a cafe , on my laptop with the wifi connection and I was trying to go to any other college, well really I was just trying to go to Reno, and I had applied to three colleges in New York for some reason I wanted to go there (irl-fuck new york jk). ANYWAY, that was basically my dream, it wasn't really a cafe, it was a really big hot dog stand cafe, so tight, i must invent one and be uber hipster.

The Best Things in Life

The best things in life are a thick joint rolled, or milk macaroni (which I made while cooking with marijuana)
A recipe for weed milk macaroni (east coast people might like this especially poor pennsylvanians , because thats what my family was and that's why I know how to make this dish)
-To make marijuana butter all you have to do is put is put an amount of butter which is equal in size to the amount of weed you are using into a pan, boil the butter, then reduce heat, add weed and wait for the butter to turn a brownish greenish color. Some people take out the stems and leaves used to make the butter but I leave it in because sometimes you don't get all the thc into the butter and some might be remaining on the leaf/stem. IT ALL depends on how much of a weed taste you can really handle eating, I was overwhelmed (even though I love the taste of weed) by the taste of weed.
-Place the weed butter into the fridge and let cool. Now boil water in another pan (this is for the macaroni).
Once the water comes to a boil pour in the macaroni.
-Boil the macaroni until it is the desired softness. Then drain macaroni, add milk, and butter , and then salt and pepper (all in the amounts that you believe you can handle). Finally add the weed butter you made.

Everyone Needs Energy Saving Tech

I'm very into eco-friendly. I have one of those smith's bags that is made from canvas that you can bring to Smith's everytime and not have to use countless plastic/paper bags. My thermostat in my house is energy savings, changing the temperature every hour or so as to not rack up a huge energy bill, I live in Las Vegas its 107 degrees outside, but the energy saver still keeps the house pretty cool. I use energy saving light bulbs, energy saving dvd players, and even this Acer laptop that I'm using right now is energy saving. What isn't energy saving is my mom watching all her judge shows, I don't really know why it wouldn't be energy saving since it is using the same technology but I still know it sucks, and anything that sucks can't be that eco friendly. She just asked me if I like plums , what a douchebag. Anywho, out of all the things all my wish list I think I need an energy saving vacuum seriously. My vacuum doesn't even work. Luckily for us, dirt devil has made a vacuum that uses 70% less energy than other vacuum cleaners, It's name is the Accucharge. Check it out. Energy Star

Inspiration

It's almost 4 am here in vegas, and I'm really just addicted to my computer. I've been sitting here for hours reading random shit about things that will quite possibly never be useful in my life. Its really at 4 am in the morning that you know what you really want out of life , because you know what you aren't getting, and that's what is keeping you up at 4am in the morning. No, not sex, well it could be sex for you, but it's not for me, at least not now. I literally spend 4 hours or more each day just day dreaming. I daydream life if it were to be ideal. The funny thing is, within my many daydreams there can only be one theme and that is perfection. My daydreams have to get really specific to be ideal and that means that it is a polar opposite of life. Think about it, life is complicated, its murky, you never know if you want the poppy seed muffin or the chocolate chip muffins, all you know is they sell like a 20 pack of them at Sam's Club and you probably won't eat them all and at least 8 will go to waste. I don't know if you got that analogy, probably the only person who understands that analogy is Nessa, she knows about my murkiness, about my "Indio Downey" problem haha, that makes me sound like a pedophile :/. (he's no nick simmons). Anyways to get back on topic, sometimes I just sit up for hours daydreaming lifes perfections, (using the muffin analogy again) if woke up in the morning and the day was to be perfect you would have to give up the choice of other muffins because there is only one perfect muffin and the other muffins just don't fit in. This is going to be hard for you, giving the different characteristics of the muffins, you most likely won't even begin to compare the two because you're afraid you'll find one of the muffins to be superior. IT HAPPENS, but not to you. I believe it is human nature to want to be confused. It is human nature to not want to make a decision because it's hard. It's human nature to eat the muffin that causes you heart burn, why? deep down inside we're all masochists. Even deeper inside we're all sadistic. We're just sick human beings trying to find a place to get our proverbial rocks off proverbial muffins. We're sick and we don't even see it. We turn the simplest human interactions into games. We don't realize we're just breeders, feeders, movers and shakers. We shouldn't think so much. I definitely shouldn't.

Me Again Random Stuff I'm Thinking About

I won't lie, I'm pretty intimidated by life right now. I love who I am, and where I'm going but there are a couple things in my life that I'm really not happy about. There's a plethora of silver and hardly any gold, and barely any platinum.

Deep down inside every girl wants a 1940s movie romance, or a 1990s indie actors romance (Casey Affleck and Summer Phoenix). The whole leg lift thing, that's cute, we're not expecting that.

I love the New Millenium? Too soon? Yes. Did I dvr it anyway? Yes. Have I sat through it? No.

Ultimate Fighter: Biggest travisty of my life. CB ALL THE WAY. I honestly can't be that mad though since Amir is a good fighter, he just has a tendency to get the shit beat out of him and then pull of impressive arm bars and shit. Meh.

Creepy stalkers. Need to get a life, really tired of them.

My nails, currently really long and really coming in handy,. I really hate having short nails and I really feel naked without long nails.

So You Think You Can Dance: I do not have a clear favorite yet, but keep on that black guy that's partners with the fine ass red head. The one that they were all calling a genius. OH, wait keep on the couple that did breathe with no air song, and then did the broadway routine last week. They are phenomenal.

America's Got Talent: really angry at that four year old girl she made me cry, and I was so inspired :/
I'm somewhat of a cry whore, on father's day I watched a movie specifically because I knew I would cry my eyes out. Oh well, it's also why I love Grey's Anatomy so much,.

Alanis Morrisette needs to stop eating. BUT...! I would be fat too, because Ryan Reynolds = fine (not as fine as Jason Rudd, Dennis Leary or David Duchovny , even though Ryan Reynolds isn't middle aged he's getting up there in years) ScarJO = love her, she's delicious, she can sing, she can act, Woody likes her and I like her. She's GOT TITS! She's perfect. Eating is the least of Alanis' worries :[

Marijuana needs to be legalized because prescription pain killers are synthetic heroine. Alcohol is worse for your liver, and smoking cigarettes will kill you. You don't even have to smoke weed to get the medicinal value from it, you can cook it and you can vaporize it. More importantly you can make hemp from it, and hemp is stronger than cotton and it's cheaper to make. Its too bad that the United States has dumped hemp and marijuana together I mean they may be the same plant but they are two different things. Hemp plants are usually low in thc and are grown to make fabric, paper, plastic, literally the possibilities are endless with it. Medicinal plants have to be high in thc usually 15-25 percent thc content. So if one is basically schwag but can make a cheaper alternative to synthetic fibers, and the other is meant to alter your brain, why is hemp not being considered?

On that note , goodnight.

,

Felons

Someone give me a convincing article about why felons shouldn't be able to vote. I think it's ridiculous actually, I think if you are not in prison, you should have the right to vote. Yes, If someone commits a felony than they make wrong decisions. But, if and when that person gets out jail they still have to live with the choices made by the rest of their city/state/country. Most ex-convicts don't have money, the majority the of the ex-convicts are democratic (I heard this on cnn, so who actually knows I question it because although the poor and minorities usually swing democratic there are probably areas of the United States where convicts are more like NRA gunslingers (haha a joke). I just honestly think voting isn't a privilege, it's a right. The reason why I believe that is simply living in America and reading American history, women fought to vote, blacks fought to vote. When they were fighting they weren't saying "give me my privilege". Then again the right to vote usualy comes along with the right to freedom, men who have commited felonies, obviously gave up their right to freedom, so why not their right to vote. The idea of anyone who is not able to vote sickens me, maybe I'm too liberal on this matter. I just don't think that a felon who is giving only 2 (maybe 3) options on a ballot could seriously ruin the world. UNLESS all the ex convicts decided to get together who live in Florida and not fully punch in who they wanted. for the presidency DAMN YOU CHADS!