To the Ladies

Okay not really to the ladies but I've taken a little bit of a vacation from blogging as you can see because of college being so "dang" hard. But anyways, I'm back now and will continue to blog. And to the anonymous comment, I don't have cankles. I weight 128 pounds. If I did have cankles, I bet they'd be fucking hot.

EVEN MORE ART!!!

All of the Following graphics were created by Zavier McFall-Maycock in 2008.

MORE ART!

(Created by Zavier McFall-Maycock, Named "Waves of Apathy")

This image is so appealing to me I'm so happy about it. I'm going to go create some more right now I'll post them later.

[Trippy shit made by Zavier McFall-Maycock (don't hate). Its called "The Goddess".

I'm going to asphyxiate right now on my stirfry from the DC. LE SUCCE. I need to write a gossip blog.

I'm listening to the String Quartet Tribute to Rush's YYZ
I'm a BAMF Rush is hellahardcorelegit

Heart Part II

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just cynical. I've realized lately that I've become lazy when it comes to finding the intertwined human experience. Its something I want, but its also something that I don't want to work to hard for. I've already realized some of my character flaws i.e. depression, cynicism, a lack of a jealous nature, and a lack of possessive ambition. People like to be possessed and to possess but this is something I have never attached to human beings. An example would be, your boyfriend cheats on you. I would be angry, because of the action of cheating. But the pain that comes from the jealousy of another woman, that is non existent within me.

I think life would be a lot easier if I was a psychopath or at least a sociopath, so that I could feel no emotions and in turn not love. I love myself, but at the same time I am not conceited enough to actually be a sociopath. I've felt incredibly drained lately, from my back pain (hurt my tailbone twice in my lifetime and it fucking hurts). This drainage has led to the depression. Around two weeks ago, I believed my life was great, and now like the pre-two week time period, I believe my life is a bottomless pit.

I honestly think I'm going to be one of those women married to their career, which sucks because I want a husband and kids someday. This means I will have to drastically change my outlook on life and I just don't think I'll ever do it. I don't even consider myself a good person right now. I've forsaken myself, and the Goddess will be angry due to this. I have not forsaken her, but by forsaking myself I sort of have. For I am the goddess, like we all are (or whatever God you believe in if not one at all, I can't judge)

I guess I just really need to get stoned, then I'll be a bit happier outside. Too bad its devastatingly cold outside and its only 11:02 AM. I have class at 1:00 PM I really don't want to go, but I'll feel like a lazy ass bum if I don't go. I gotta write a paper or two also. This just adds to the depression.

I'm not trying to find love or a relationship, I'm just trying to find a genuine human intertwined experience. Being that I am a female, I don't even care about sex. I need to click intellectually with people and this is exactly what I want. I don't need the adoration or the attention. I just want a fulfilling conversation. I'm deeply suffering from a bad case of self perception. But I wonder if it really is bad self perception. Am I not the one who does not judge people based on their outsides because life is too short? Am I not the one who knows myself the best? I truly know how ugly I am on the inside and for this I'd say I'm allowed to have the self perception that I do. For the only people who think this perception is warped are people who are on the outside looking in. I'm the only real insider to Zavier, I am my own judge. I am my own jury. The only thing is I have no defense. No real need to defend myself to anyone.

This lack of emotion has got to end, or otherwise it has to stay. Either way, I don't like the Topsy turvy nature of my emotions at the moment.

Heart

There was a time when many of the humans on earth were born with their hearts upon their chests rather than inside. Only some amongst them were born with their hearts beating inside their chests and they were looked down upon as inferior.

The truest love story was happening inside of these people for they felt that it was there one true goal in life to spread love. When diseases died out, greed set in. The greed was a disease. It swept across every nation and wiped out many of the inhabitants of earth.

The heartbeats heard inside the chest seemed more hallow but with every beat there was a genuine sense that world was held by our mother dearly. When humanity sank, those with their unpolluted hearts stepped into the world and created a new race of humans whose emotions had to be shown through verbal communication. For the first time in thousands of years, this humananoid creatures could actually be called humans.

LSD

Sometimes I'm at an obvious crossroads in life. I haven't been blogging lately I know, but in all reality I've been struggling. Internally struggling. I love this place, I love this planet. I'm starting to figure out who I am dependently from the human race. But at the same time I'm being taught that we are all the same. That we do the same things and have the same patterns. I just honestly don't know what to think about it.

But as I start to think independently of myself I realize that there's something very dependent lurking in my peripherals. It scares me, but absolutely thrills me. It slows me and speeds me up at the same time. And like anything else that makes me feel good I want to abuse it like a drug.