I should be given an award.
The highest that any actress can receive.
I hide behind this toughness.
But inside I am soft.
Cancel the Oscars, I'm the star.
All you need is me.
Golden Statue in my hand.
While spinach is stuck between my teeth.
Hidden amongst the Hollywood Stars lies a single plaque.
"Died too young, died in the attack"
The attack of the youth, propagated by the media.
Kill me quickly, just a little speedier.
Who are you to tell me how I feel?
Who are you to remind me of my regrets?
Oh I forgot you are there to remind me of my faults.
To come to me at my every beck and call.
Sin of the flesh.
Sins feel so good.
I wish I could eat it.
Don't you wish you could.
The most delectable meal, that you have ever tasted.
The girl most like you, that you feel you wasted.
I'm sorry it couldn't of been.
And it is all my sorrow.
I always thought for you and me there would be a tomorrow.
But now I realize I'm foolish and that you'll never let go.
Of something that has happened so many months ago.
It was just a phase, as people like to say.
It was just a creation, a musical, a play.
And I am the only one who is on stage, you exited a while ago.
No one throws me flowers after the performance is done.
They felt it all too real.
The pain masked underneath my eyes in the form of purple bags.
I don't think you hurt at all.
And I never wish you do.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Random Wrote
The spoken word, it is a cause, promoting me, lifting me higher than the average normal mortal.
Here I am wandering through lie wondering when my coil will cease to be a circular.
There you are, you know exactly where you want to walk. You walk with distinction, a martyr for that cause of cool.
You try so hard, baby, but not hard enough for the rest of this year is just gonna be too tough.
The summer was easy, the winter will be hard. Barren mother nature, white like a cala lily.
She stretches across the land, and there you sit in the middle of her womb, wondering why the same place you were born will also be your tomb.
I can't stand to think that way. Your death will truly awaken me. Shake me, violently like the wildest earth quake. But you aren't dead are you? You're still alive, I feel the pulse.
Deep inside of me a girl has changed into the woman she was supposed to be. What kind of woman stands there and lets herself feel so alone.
Alone though is my solitude and alone is where I stay.
Smoke a couple cigarettes get some time out of the way.
It hurts sometimes, that I'm not able to be what I truly wish to be.
But I'll be fine as long as you are there with me.
Oh glorious summer day, how I long for your sun rays. Bathe me Apollo, bathe me in your beauty. In your hellenistic style of indulgence.
I love the way you speak, like words are your weapon, they're mine too, let's battle.
Who would win in a battle of lovers like a civil war stuck in a third world country.
If this is a first world, and they are the third, then who is the second, and why can't we all be called by one word. One name, one people. We could never be that way.
Too nationalist, too secularist, too passive, aggressive.
Never the right amount, and never impressive.
But when you speak to me, I forget about the woes, I endanger myself, expose myself to love, the most dangerous of emotions. They kind you wouldn't be able to feel if you weren't willing. I'm willing, vile feeling, come into me, hurt me, thrash me, abuse me.
I tend not to care, what happens to my physical form, but you are there in my emotional zone. Telling me things I've always wanted to hear. When I awaken, it was just a dream, a hallucination. Lord knows I've had those.
But god has nothing to do with it does it. Nothing at all. He just sits and waits till we actually need his help. We got ourselves in this mess.
Oh lucky animals of the world, with no need for love. A cruel creation was this human mind capable of doing whatever I think.
I sit, I sit, I stand, I sit, I sink.
For getting up is hard when you have nothing to aspire too.
My main motivation, it was you.
But now I feel, I'm overwhelmed, unable to handle the feelings that delve too deep into my heart to actually find consolation.
Stuck in between regret and improvisation.
Here I am wandering through lie wondering when my coil will cease to be a circular.
There you are, you know exactly where you want to walk. You walk with distinction, a martyr for that cause of cool.
You try so hard, baby, but not hard enough for the rest of this year is just gonna be too tough.
The summer was easy, the winter will be hard. Barren mother nature, white like a cala lily.
She stretches across the land, and there you sit in the middle of her womb, wondering why the same place you were born will also be your tomb.
I can't stand to think that way. Your death will truly awaken me. Shake me, violently like the wildest earth quake. But you aren't dead are you? You're still alive, I feel the pulse.
Deep inside of me a girl has changed into the woman she was supposed to be. What kind of woman stands there and lets herself feel so alone.
Alone though is my solitude and alone is where I stay.
Smoke a couple cigarettes get some time out of the way.
It hurts sometimes, that I'm not able to be what I truly wish to be.
But I'll be fine as long as you are there with me.
Oh glorious summer day, how I long for your sun rays. Bathe me Apollo, bathe me in your beauty. In your hellenistic style of indulgence.
I love the way you speak, like words are your weapon, they're mine too, let's battle.
Who would win in a battle of lovers like a civil war stuck in a third world country.
If this is a first world, and they are the third, then who is the second, and why can't we all be called by one word. One name, one people. We could never be that way.
Too nationalist, too secularist, too passive, aggressive.
Never the right amount, and never impressive.
But when you speak to me, I forget about the woes, I endanger myself, expose myself to love, the most dangerous of emotions. They kind you wouldn't be able to feel if you weren't willing. I'm willing, vile feeling, come into me, hurt me, thrash me, abuse me.
I tend not to care, what happens to my physical form, but you are there in my emotional zone. Telling me things I've always wanted to hear. When I awaken, it was just a dream, a hallucination. Lord knows I've had those.
But god has nothing to do with it does it. Nothing at all. He just sits and waits till we actually need his help. We got ourselves in this mess.
Oh lucky animals of the world, with no need for love. A cruel creation was this human mind capable of doing whatever I think.
I sit, I sit, I stand, I sit, I sink.
For getting up is hard when you have nothing to aspire too.
My main motivation, it was you.
But now I feel, I'm overwhelmed, unable to handle the feelings that delve too deep into my heart to actually find consolation.
Stuck in between regret and improvisation.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
College
My best friend in the whole wide world. Maruchan Top Ramen, shrimp flavor. Sometimes I switch to creamy chicken, or beef, BUT its all about shrimp in my humble opinion.
Its past QUIET HOURS in the dorm, and some inconsiderate people are being noisy. Actually I don't really care, i woke up at 12 today and I only need to get up at 9:30 tomorrow
Stuff You Should Be Listening to Part One
Part one covers the following Genres: Ambient Rock,Blues, Brit Indie Pop, Classic Rock and Dance Indie. If any of those sound like something you might like then read.
Ambient Rock: Cold Play
Blues: Graham Coxon
Brit Indie Pop: Blur, Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs
Classic Rock: The Beatles, The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppelin
Dance Indie:Ima Robot, Neon Blonde
Ambient Rock: Cold Play
Blues: Graham Coxon
Brit Indie Pop: Blur, Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs
Classic Rock: The Beatles, The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppelin
Dance Indie:Ima Robot, Neon Blonde
Have You Ever Felt
Like this?
That's how I used to feel in Las Vegas, and since I've been in Reno, that feeling has gone away. In the first time in I don't know how many months, maybe even years, I am truly happy. You know the Incubus song "Wish You Were Here", that song, minus missing someone. I mean I do miss my Vegas friends, but I'm making a lot of new friends here, who offer me intellectual stimulation (no where near the level of Nessa though, we were basically cut from the same cloth).
So as I sit in my dorm room listening to my Zune player on random. An old school No Doubt song is on, and I'm in a groove. When I say old school, i mean from their first album, and the song is sinking. SO AWESOME. This is AWESOME (I know, i use the word to much).
Reno is such a quaint place, and I absolutely love it. Down Virginia St. there is a free transit bus also. I rode that shit down Virginia, to down town or the Reno Strip. I just ran (exercise for the soul, more so than the body.)
I had to post a picture of the sign during the day time, because that's how I usually see it. Fuck going down there at night, I am a little scared. HAHAH me, the fucking Vegas kid that I am, who fucking walks down the strip fucked up on drugs and alcohol. I'M afraid of the Reno strip. Actually I usually tend to be more afraid when there's less people around, then your screams can't be heard.
This is a statue outside of the Mackay Mining School. I love it, it struck me for some odd reason and I can't really put my finger on it. There stands a man, dressed as a simple miner, a hardworking man who had to break a sweat for his fortune. That's what America was about, hard working people. We've turned into such a nation of lazy people, and yes, I'm a hypocrite.
Of course I had to post a picture of something that is on campus and actually has to do with my major and shit. If you didn't already know I'm a Political Science major or PoliSci for short. I plan on getting a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and I'm minoring in French. I plan on doing all of this within 3 years and then heading to California (UC Berkeley, or Standford) for Law School (another 3 years of education). I want to be a politician. I'll be like Obama, but way better. See I think the problem with politicians today is they won't realize that party platform is bullshit. Republicans and Democrats have swapped viewpoints many times during the formation of the bi-partisan system. What's worse is this government basically runs on a bi-partisan system. Its like high school, the Democrats are the Student Council kids and the Republicans are the jocks, and independents are outcasts. I may primarily be a "Democrat" but deep down inside I'm a Republicrat. I have many Republican values, not when it comes to business though (NAFTA, and CAFTA, and fuck all the democrats that voted for that shit)
Basically the theme of this blog is, that I finally feel like I'm doing something with my life. Not to mention, I don't know, I don't even want to talk about it. BUT NESSA KNOWS. It's so very hard now, SO VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH IT. I feel like a serial rapist every time I'm stuck in a situation with a statue. :[ IT'S SO BAD :[
BUT i'm still happy. There's a time for everything and that will eventually happen to. I will actually be happy if it happens later than sooner.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
More Poetry
Rhymes with Brooms
I injested you, YOU VILE POISON.
Stop corrupting my innards and making me see what really isn't.
Its too late now ISN'T IT?
You just work your way through my body as if you don't even care about whether or not I make it through the night.
At first you were pleasant and you made me laugh, you made the trees weary of my existence. You made them ready for the prowl.
Later you ripped me open.
You confused me, more than any human being ever could.
You birthed me into a much sicker world than the one I was birthed in many years ago.
A dirty sick place where people spill their guts.
I felt
That's all I can honestly say, every emotion was there was up to bat and ready to play.
You educated me, you guide you. I was just a young psychonaut ready for a ride.
I bought the ticket, I didn't want to go on.
Not yet
Never much a fan of rollercoasters.
Adrenaline isn't my favorite high.
But you aren't adrenaline at all are you?
Pscilocybin, straight out of Hunter S Thompson
and into my infantile brain
and when I woke up the next morning mentally aged 30 years
I knew I would never be the same.
I injested you, YOU VILE POISON.
Stop corrupting my innards and making me see what really isn't.
Its too late now ISN'T IT?
You just work your way through my body as if you don't even care about whether or not I make it through the night.
At first you were pleasant and you made me laugh, you made the trees weary of my existence. You made them ready for the prowl.
Later you ripped me open.
You confused me, more than any human being ever could.
You birthed me into a much sicker world than the one I was birthed in many years ago.
A dirty sick place where people spill their guts.
I felt
That's all I can honestly say, every emotion was there was up to bat and ready to play.
You educated me, you guide you. I was just a young psychonaut ready for a ride.
I bought the ticket, I didn't want to go on.
Not yet
Never much a fan of rollercoasters.
Adrenaline isn't my favorite high.
But you aren't adrenaline at all are you?
Pscilocybin, straight out of Hunter S Thompson
and into my infantile brain
and when I woke up the next morning mentally aged 30 years
I knew I would never be the same.
Poetry
Liar
Cat food cans and dance macabre
Ta visage est beau mais c'est sombre.
I just want to hold hands
All this talk about romance, is killing me in...
In such a kind way...
You let me down awkwardly
You just don't let me down like that
LIAR, with a smile that could disembowel me
Why did you light that candle, honey, blow it out and turn on the light
I'm sweating, I'm nauseous, I'm not ALRIGHT
I should've kept it a secret
Now all I have to do is regret
See you at the nest suaree
Mais, pourquois, mon amour, donnez moi votre coeur
Embrace-moi, tout les soirs, je t'aime vous, vous et mois devnnons nous.
Cheesiness aside, I lied
I'm just a child of the free spirt
I can go whichever way I please
I can't stand it when you look over my shoulder
And touch it just to tease
It's not fair to be so cruel
To such a little woman
Which is so unlike me
But around you I'm small
My knees buckle
I crawl
Like the infant I devolved into
Suddenly I regain my composure
I realize I was just daydreaming again
Homo Erectus
Homo Erectus, Homo Erectus
Peace talks and vector, defiant collectors, grabbing at everything.
Reliant inspectors, picking away at this murder investigation.
They flew to the train station, and there was an elation during the duration of the creation of heart....relation, salvation, destination, desperation, at least you carried me over the threshhold.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Baby come and meet us, for you feel to me like a fetus, soft skin rubs against the old.
We'll still sit and sip on Margaritas. Living life with teenage libidos.
Do you hear the violins, well neither do I, but here is where I break the rotation, we cry, we lie, we sigh. You told me life was a circle. It doesn't feel very circular to me when you're such a square. Revealed to me a newborn 20 something year old with eyes open, face bare. Young Indian, did you know you were a chief, well I'm a priestess, wanna cheat?
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Do you respect us? This is priceless, the smile completes the outfit you so carefully picked out. Nice vest, i'm impressed. When you're on the spot, you stay on it for oh so long. We pick, we're fickle, we like, we hate, we buy on whims and we mate. To be a human being, how boring, not an angel like you. Sweet cheeks tell me, do you even get the flu? Immortal, moral, coitus, coil, Shakespeare wrote exactly what I feel everyday. It doesn't matter what play. For I'm a human easily written, stereotype me and place me on a page, I'll fit in next to xylophone, a nice picture of me trapped in my human flesh cage.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus, You're a joke!
Cat food cans and dance macabre
Ta visage est beau mais c'est sombre.
I just want to hold hands
All this talk about romance, is killing me in...
In such a kind way...
You let me down awkwardly
You just don't let me down like that
LIAR, with a smile that could disembowel me
Why did you light that candle, honey, blow it out and turn on the light
I'm sweating, I'm nauseous, I'm not ALRIGHT
I should've kept it a secret
Now all I have to do is regret
See you at the nest suaree
Mais, pourquois, mon amour, donnez moi votre coeur
Embrace-moi, tout les soirs, je t'aime vous, vous et mois devnnons nous.
Cheesiness aside, I lied
I'm just a child of the free spirt
I can go whichever way I please
I can't stand it when you look over my shoulder
And touch it just to tease
It's not fair to be so cruel
To such a little woman
Which is so unlike me
But around you I'm small
My knees buckle
I crawl
Like the infant I devolved into
Suddenly I regain my composure
I realize I was just daydreaming again
Homo Erectus
Homo Erectus, Homo Erectus
Peace talks and vector, defiant collectors, grabbing at everything.
Reliant inspectors, picking away at this murder investigation.
They flew to the train station, and there was an elation during the duration of the creation of heart....relation, salvation, destination, desperation, at least you carried me over the threshhold.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Baby come and meet us, for you feel to me like a fetus, soft skin rubs against the old.
We'll still sit and sip on Margaritas. Living life with teenage libidos.
Do you hear the violins, well neither do I, but here is where I break the rotation, we cry, we lie, we sigh. You told me life was a circle. It doesn't feel very circular to me when you're such a square. Revealed to me a newborn 20 something year old with eyes open, face bare. Young Indian, did you know you were a chief, well I'm a priestess, wanna cheat?
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus
Do you respect us? This is priceless, the smile completes the outfit you so carefully picked out. Nice vest, i'm impressed. When you're on the spot, you stay on it for oh so long. We pick, we're fickle, we like, we hate, we buy on whims and we mate. To be a human being, how boring, not an angel like you. Sweet cheeks tell me, do you even get the flu? Immortal, moral, coitus, coil, Shakespeare wrote exactly what I feel everyday. It doesn't matter what play. For I'm a human easily written, stereotype me and place me on a page, I'll fit in next to xylophone, a nice picture of me trapped in my human flesh cage.
Homo Erectus Homo Erectus, You're a joke!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Maury Povich is Fucked Up( No offense to anyone , this blog is so rude)
Maury Povich is a fucked up person. Today on his 11 am. show he made me laugh hysterically. YOU KNOW HOW? The cheap laugh folks, yeah the cheap laugh. He brought on a bunch of chubby middle aged (and a bit younger) bitches who had phobias of the most ridiculous shit. He basically brings them on, shows them pictures of the phobia and then the bitch cries, then they confront them with the phobia and the bitch screams and cries. They they introduce them to a "Motivational Hypnotist" named Boris Cherniak (look it up, no lies!), who says "by the end of the show, her will cure these guests of their phobias."
Okay, First off, I want to be a Motivational Hypnotist. Two, Luckily my mom dvrs this shit so I don't have to fucking sit through vagisil commercials. The commercials suck, but fucking after the commercial break the show gets oh so much better.
This ghetto ass black chick named Tanisha comes out, and she is going ghetto about smelling dogs. She then hears a bark and starts frantically running backstage where she freaks the fuck out. Now I must admit, as a kid I too was afraid of dogs, but shit, I GOT OVER IT, because I'm not an irrational black bitch (at least in my opinion anyway). This Tanisha is fucking brilliant. They try to get her to go into a pet store to see the puppies and she's fucking like "THEY SENSE FEAR OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T BE BARKING", her grammar is impeccable. I think this bitch has a strap on her, I should find this video on youtube. If you found a youtube video before this then I definitely found it. I'm going to narrate the whole episode for those of who maybe think...I'm funny?
The next nasty fat woman on the show was afraid of cotton balls. "They make a certain sound.", she says. TOO BAD I UNDERSTAND what she is talking about, that fucking annoying ass squeaky sound. Anyway this bitch goes on to say that she has a reoccurring nightmare about a man covered in cotton who tries to kill her and she's afraid of her 1 year old son's diapers and toys. Haha her 8 year old chases her with cotton in stores. Haha then they have people dress up in cotton man costumes and they freak her out backstage HAHA MAURY YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP. Haha she thinks cotton balls are disgusting haha that fat ugly white bitch what is her name I didn't catch it, oh its Carolyn, that's a dumb bitch name ( no offense).
Okay so the next woman is a hideous black woman who was afraid of lizards. No offense, Sharon Stone, but cold blooded animals are nasty foul creatures. They are the filthiest creatures alive. HAHA then the Motivational Hypnotist says he can save her and allow her to live happily in the great state of Louisiana. LOL
The next is a 40 year old piece of white trash who is afraid of frogs. When this lady screams hahah, the devil is coming out of her. "There's like millions of them coming at me, eating me, chasing me", April says. LOL I love her in all her trashy glory.
Yes now it is finally time for the Motivational Hypnotist.
So the jello bitch is cured, and the chicken bitch is cured, making think they were really good trailer park actors. Tanisha was still skeptical, she's black, thats her nature. Carolyn doesn't care about cotton, "It's cotton", she says. LOL about Maury saying Louisiana is his favorite state. New York is going crazy. Lizard bitch is cured. Now the exquisite April, does not care about frogs. I didn't find the video oh well.
I don't give a shit about babies
anyways, its fucking august 7th, as people who don't sleep in until 2 o'clock in the afternoon might know. I realized if your life was all of a sudden considered complete because you have tried at least one drug in every drug family; my life would be complete.
The only drugs left that i MAY want to try would be, acid (don't know if i could stand 8-12 hours of hallucinating, and actually that's it. I have to try crack ,kidding, I'll never try crack.
The only drugs left that i MAY want to try would be, acid (don't know if i could stand 8-12 hours of hallucinating, and actually that's it. I have to try crack ,kidding, I'll never try crack.
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